I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
