didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
