Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
