I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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