Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
