Nicole vs. Life
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
