Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
