I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
