good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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