my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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