dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i drank out of a bidet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
