Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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