VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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