i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
