After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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