I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
