I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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