Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
