is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
