I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
