so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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