Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
