Duck Duck Cougar?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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