My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
