She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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