New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
