Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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