I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
