What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
