well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
