5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
