and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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