it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
