I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
