so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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