She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
