I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
