does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
