let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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