I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
