I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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