but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
