please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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