Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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