ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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