a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
