apparently the secret to your success is patron
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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