i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
