who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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