There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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