Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
