I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
