That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
