Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
