I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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