You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
